Please indulge a few shower thoughts I had:
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I wouldn’t worry about Lemmy having as many users as reddit in the short term. Success is not just a measure of userbase. A system just needs a critical mass, a minimum number of users, to be self-perpetuating. For a reddit post that has 10k comments, most normal people only read a few dozen comments anyways. You could have half the comments on that post, and frankly the quality might go up, not down. (That said, there are many communities below that minimum critical mass at the moment.)
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Lemmy is now a real alternative. When reddit imploded Lemmy wasn’t fully set up to take advantage of the exodus, so a lot of users came over to the fediverse and gave up right away. There were no phone apps, the user interface was rudimentary, and communities weren’t yet alive. Next time reddit screws up in a high profile way, and they will screw up, the fediverse will be ready.
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Lemmy has way more potential than reddit. Reddit’s leadership has always been incompetent and slow at fixing problems. The fediverse has been very responsive to user feedback in comparison.
I agree - my level of engagement on Reddit dwindled with every unpopular decision Reddit forced on its users, and towards the end I had stopped engaging entirely, because it just felt like I would be interacting mainly with bots and hostile users. You’d constantly see bots steal others’ comments, people calling them out to no avail, and knowing that Reddit didn’t give a removed cuz it was engagement numbers to them either way really discouraged any chance of healthy discourse.
Rage-baiting might be a good short-term solution for boosting engagement, but allowing or maintaining that level of hostility across the site just tires people out and drives them away.