Debian, the cool guy distro in 1999. The machine overlords run on Red Hat.

In the low budget parody version, Neo ran Slackware, and the climatic battle was basically about Agent Smith somehow removeding up his libc.so.6 but then Trinity got him a copy of the file on 3.5" floppy from another system. Or something.

(Webmail provider releases a bespoke desktop app)
(me, old fart, bumbles out from behind the cables and servers and muck)

You fools! Have any of you whippersnappers ever heard of IMAP? No? Thought so.

[I’m not that familiar with ProtonMail. Chances are they already support IMAP. In which case: … …why? Why this? Why in this day and age?]